The Hidden Face of Aggression: Understanding Male and Female Bullying

When we think of bullying, the thought of physical altercations, intimidation, or public confrontations comes to mind. This being the hallmarks of stereotypical male bullying are often direct, visible and violent.

Bullying among girls can look very different. It’s less about fists and more about words, exclusion, and manipulation.

Boys tend to exhibit overt aggression. Physical dominance and public displays of power characterize this type of bullying. Common behaviors include physical violence, such as punching, kicking, or shoving; verbal threats, such as insults or openly intimidating remarks; and public humiliation, such as mocking someone in front of peers. These behaviors are easy to spot because they disrupt the environment. A fight in the schoolyard or a verbal confrontation in the locker room draws attention, often leading to swift intervention by adults.

In contrast, girls often engage in relational aggression perhaps aimed at damaging relationships and social standing. Some common tactics include exclusion, where someone is deliberately left out of group activities or social circles; gossip and rumors, which spread false or hurtful information to damage reputations; and emotional manipulation, where friendships are used as leverage or peers are turned against one another. Unlike male bullying, female bullying thrives in secrecy. It’s whispered behind backs, hidden in group chats, or played out through subtle body language. Because it doesn’t leave physical marks, it often goes unnoticed by teachers, parents, and even peers.

Female bullying is harder to see for several reasons. Cultural expectations play a significant role, as girls are often socialized to avoid physical aggression. Society expects them to be nurturing and cooperative, which pushes their conflict resolution underground, resulting in an arsenal of covert strategies that fly under the radar. Additionally, there is a lack of awareness about relational aggression, as many people—adults included—don’t recognize behaviors like exclusion or gossip as bullying. These actions may be dismissed as “drama” or typical teenage behavior. Furthermore, victims often stay silent due to shame or fear that speaking out will worsen the situation. The emotional toll—loneliness, anxiety, and depression—is real, yet often invisible.

While inherently different in their manifestation, both genders are at increased risk for poor academic performance, low self-esteem, mental health challenges (anxiety and depression) and long-term issues with trust and relationships.

To effectively combat bullying, we must understand and acknowledge its many forms. Educating about relational aggression in female bullying is crucial, teaching students and adults to recognize non-physical bullying as equally harmful. Creating safe spaces where children feel comfortable discussing their experiences can encourage open communication.

Modeling healthy relationships by demonstrating constructive conflict resolution is also vital. Finally, intervening early—whether it’s a physical fight or a subtle act of exclusion—ensures bullying is addressed promptly and fairly.

Dr K of Healthy Gamers gives a succinct explainer of female bullying.

When the Mask Slips

Increasingly I have been getting tired of the circus. It's become a stage where "professional" carnival workers perform, each donning carefully crafted masks. I've learned the hard way that not everyone who smiles at you has your best interests at heart.

The pain of dealing with two-faced colleagues isn't just about their actions; it's about the betrayal of trust. These are people you work alongside, people you sometimes lean on during difficult days. Yet, behind closed doors, they twist your words, undermine your efforts, or speak ill of you to others.

I've often wondered what drives this reaction towards each other.

Is it insecurity?

A need to climb the ladder at any cost?

Or perhaps they believe this is just how the game is played.

Whatever the reason, the result is the same: a workplace that feels colder, less secure, and lonelier. There's a peculiar strength that comes from facing this kind of duplicity. It forces you to protect your boundaries and to find solace in the rare, genuine connections that do exist.

It does take its toll on the brain though. There are days when the weight of it all makes you question my path. Why should I give all to a place where trust is a fragile, fleeting thing?

I take solace in the knowledge their behaviour says more about them than it does about you. And one day, when their masks inevitably slips, the clown they are will become apparent to all.